BIZARRE TINK FETISH TAPE SURFACES
A DVD left behind in the Santa Monica Police Station has created another scandal for Paris Hilton. Confiscated during her latest DUI, this grainy photo is a still image from the DVD, which captures Paris and a dirndl-clad Tink exiting the famous ImaFrauHaus in Berlin.
Taken two weeks ago while both were "coincidentally" visiting the city, the video quickly darkens in tone and content. Believed to be far more explicit than either of their first "ventures", both Paris and Tink are desperately trying to retrieve the tape before bootleg copies go public. Tink wants it back because he fears it'll diminish his masculine image and Paris wants it because she was wearing off-the-rack cotton and loose "slacks".
TINK CAUGHT IN CHANGING ROOM FIASCO
The Foreign Press Association was treated to more than their usual "celebrity sighting allowance" last weekend when they caught sight of a very compromised Tink in one of the most exclusive corners of Hollywoods Fred Segal shop. Known to locals as the essential supplier of all things worth wearing, the journalists were determined to expose the more workaday side of the shop in the hopes of demystifying this Tinseltown legend. Instead, their discovery only intensified it.
Venturing into the deep recesses of the private changing room area, they (accidentally) barged through the door as hundreds of cameras recorded the image that stood before them, a shocking example of the perverse goings-on of Hollywood's young and privileged crowd. Above the chaos of shouting and flashbulbs, Tink cried "This isn't what it looks like" as he bolted past the journalists with his companion still attached.
TINK GOES SPEED DATING
Inspired by the possibility of meeting his life partner in 2 minutes, Tink signed on to a local speed-dating session at a westside club. Prior to the event, he was overheard commenting to a friend that he had come prepared with an extensive repartee on politics, religion and feminist issues. No one knows exactly what he said during the date, but this photo was taken just 21 seconds into it.
IS TINK DOWN ON HIS LUCK?
This is not the sight one expects to see on a beautiful Saturday morning in New York, but it's exactly what our shocked reporter witnessed while walking along a side street near his home in NoLiTa a week ago. Now, it's well known that indie film financing is a tough gig, but was it really necessary for Tink to be on the ground, selling flowers to passersby? As the reporter approached, Tink looked up at his silhouette against the sun, raised a flower and timidly asked "You a Weinstein?". When the reporter replied he wasn't, Tink lowered his head and turned his attention back to arranging the flowers. Knowing an awkward moment is a golden moment, our reporter took this photo, then ran away. Just before disappearing out of sight, he passed a woman coming the other way and just as he was about to warn her, another "You a Weinstein?" could be heard - directed at her. Poor, poor Tink, somebody oughta get him a movie deal...
NEWEST LINE OF "SUPERTINK" COSTUMES REVEALED!
Invigorated by saving the life of a drowning woman (according to him), Tink launched his latest clothing venture - "SuperTinkWear" in Santa Barbara today. Consisting of oversized, bullet-proof glasses, a super-lightweight terry cape (with his patented "nek-knot" fastener) and ultra quick-dry kevlar protective shorts, he says "Anybody can look like a hero - and still get a decent tan". Further details were not available at press time, due to Tink spotting a bird in distress and running into the surf to save it. His cape became heavily weighted with water, tangling itself between his legs just as he dove for the bird. In the process of trying desperately to crawl back to shore with the struggling and obviously frightened bird in his hands, it fell into his ultra quick-dry kevlar protective shorts, ripped a hole in them large enough to escape through and flew off into the sky. Tink was left laying in the surf, being battered by his towel, er cape, and consequently mooned all the press conference attendees. In a move of unprecedented respect (or shock) everyone present immediately dropped their cameras and ran the other way.
ROMANCE INFLATES ON THE SET OF HOT NEW FLICK!
Tink, the Director known for his insatiable appetites was spotted canoodling in this spy photo with the latest of his co-stars. A virtual unknown, sources say she impressed him on the casting couch (pictured here) and they are now closer off set than on. Tink has denied the rumors, but was seen leaving set with an air pump in his pocket.
TINK WALKS INTO WILDERNESS SURVEY CAMERA
Can you imagine the surprise on the faces of the wilderness survey crew when they saw this one! Video footage captured Tink as he sped his car to a stop, got out to take a pee, but was distracted by something shiny. That something was the camera lens and in his curiosity, he walked up pants open and bumped right into it, knocking himself unconscious. A few minutes later, he was seen struggling and obviously in great pain, back to his car where once in, he sped off in a cloud of dust and dry grass. Experts couldn’t determine if he actually relieved himself or not.
TINK BOTCHES RESCUE OF DROWNING WOMAN
Like a mysterious superhero, Tink swung down from out of nowhere to answer the cries of a drowning woman. While others ran for rope and safety gear, the remaining crowd was tense as they watched both Tink and the woman try to reach each other. Just as their hands were inches apart, Tink noticed his reflection in the water. Obviously not liking it, he readjusted his position, falling on top of her in the process. Luckily, the rescuers had returned and both were quickly pulled to safety.
TINK LAUNCHES LINE OF JEFF PROBST CARDBOARD CUT-OUTS
Always ahead of the game and not one to miss out on a great opportunity, Tink announced his latest venture: 3-D life-sized cardboard cut-outs of "Survivor" host Jeff Probst. Refraining from calling them dolls, Tink nonetheless conceded that each one can be posed in an infinite number of positions and comes complete with a steamer trunk full of safari shirts and pants plus a small wooden ladle for extinguishing torches - or as Tink duly noted, serving soup. The cut-outs have proved so popular that the first run has already sold-out. The next generation is set to feature an "urban" wardrobe plus a choice of pre-recorded "Survivor" catch phrases voiced by either Snoop Dog or Bernie Mac.
NEVRA and TINK - ON THE OUTS?
Hollywoods'
golden couple, who just two weeks ago were seen strolling romantically
in St. Barts, have been spotted for the third time this week taking great
pains to not acknowledge one another. Yesterday in Santa Monica, the couple
was observed walking out to their car without exchanging any conversation.
Nevra, widely regarded as the most outspoken member of the Bratz was uncharacteristically
quiet in her disappointment when she realized Tink wouldn’t open
her door. Passers-by were shocked to see her struggle to climb in as Tink
sat in the drivers seat, ignoring her while talking on his mobile. In
what looked like a moment of reconciliation, he hung up, leaned over and
attached her seatbelt. This normally would seem a tender gesture, but
in this photo, Nevras’ fear is apparent as back on the phone, Tink
drives away leaving her swimming in a seatbelt that’s dangerously
loose.
TINK FAILS TO RECOGNIZE HIS COMPETITION
So confident in his own success with the Jeff Probst line of cardboard cut-outs, Tink was (embarrassingly for him) the last to notice another series which came onto the market from a competitor. It wasn’t until after twenty minutes of trying to initiate conversation with the two ladies in the photograph, did Tink realize that they had been planted by the competition. In fact the entire party was made of cardboard cut-outs, right down to the main course, which when Tink complained about it to the rather stiff waiter, he received only an icy stare in response. Chuckling to himself as he asked the valet to fetch his car, Tink said, "I wasn’t fooled, did all that just to amuse myself". Waiting for another five minutes with no response, he looked around, grabbed his keys from out of the Valets’ hand and ran off to get his car.
FANS REACT AFTER A MIDNIGHT SCREENING OF PAMPLEMOUSSE
Like its spiritual predecessor "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", Pamplemousse has become a cult screening event. Hordes of young girls line up every night to participate and sing along with the film. Grapefruits fly in the air, snowballs, even severed hands. In a twist that can only be guessed to stem from the media mixture of two incredibly popular subjects, all the girls that come to the screening make a point of dressing like before or after the dye-job versions of Ashlee Simpson.
TINK RUNS INTO WILDERNESS SURVEY CAMERA – AGAIN!
Like a bird flying into a window, Tink has done it again. Moments before this photo was taken, Tink and the unidentified man behind him came into view of the survey camera as they paddled ashore in a kayak and set up lunch. As Tink went looking in the area for something he could use to open his bottle of wine, a brief flash of light caught his eye. He was later to say that he thought someone may have actually left behind a corkscrew, so he thought best to check it out. Wham! The video captures the impact, Tink falls backwards, rolling end over end down the rocky slope, through the cheese platter and chocolates, breaking the wine bottle, knocking over his friend and sending both of them sliding out of view. Splashes of water rise in the air, then nothing else. Moments later, the survey camera recorded it’s most dramatic footage of raccoons as two families immediately converged on the scene and amidst drinking and eating everything in site, had what can only be termed as a furry, drunken brawl.
P.DIDDY SINGS TINK STYLE PRAISES
Sean "Puffy" Combs refers to him as the Godfather of Style. Who? Karl Lagerfeld? No. Tom Ford? Nope... He’s referring to Tink and the fashion craze he starts with each new film. Photographed recently outside of a premiere, Tink wore pieces from his "Fah-Muh" collection that he licensed through Diddys’ own company Sean John. When asked if he calculates each films wardrobe for marketing purposes Tink replied; " Hell no! This is the Zeitgeist baby! You can’t calculate that, it just happens." Wise words indeed.